is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
