I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize