The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize