i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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