Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
