oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
