YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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