As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize