My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
