Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
