I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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