Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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