Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
