she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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