just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
