Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
