Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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