i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
