I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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