I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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