you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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