so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
