just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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