I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
