cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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