i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize