I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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