funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
