Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
