It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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