the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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