Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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