Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
