The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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