party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just google imaged poop.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
