I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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