i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
