My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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