But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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