i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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