I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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