We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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