Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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