just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
