dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
