she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
