But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
