i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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