Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
