Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
