i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize