Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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