so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
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