This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
