my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
