You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Randomize