Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize