It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
