So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
