she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
