I love black thongs
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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