i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
