last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
