Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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