my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
