2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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