I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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