soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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