Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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