somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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