just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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