There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
