he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
