i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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