I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize