This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
