i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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