For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
