3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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