please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
